remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
