the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize