He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I AM VODKA MAN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
