Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
