I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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