matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
