So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
