Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
