my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
