Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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