how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My pussy is not your playground.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize