Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
