I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
