Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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