Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've blown a few things in my day
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
