my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
