u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
