SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
