I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
