It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You are a genius and a whore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
