he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
