I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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