Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
