there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
