Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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