I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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