Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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