i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
