i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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