I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
