well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
zippers are such a cool invention
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My life is pants optional.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize