if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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