FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's never too late to be topless.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
