Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
