Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
