I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
