He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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