i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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