I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
