he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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