he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
