I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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