I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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