Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
