Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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