Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
