member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
