Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
