Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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