I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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