Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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