can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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