i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
