Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
