I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
