He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
