I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We got so high we made milksteak
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
