I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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