I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize