he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
