at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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