Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
