it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want nice things and good sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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