We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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