I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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