this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
