uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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