We won't sleep together?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
