So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
