just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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