so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
where are you?
Hypothermia
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
