I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
