During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
