No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize